http://theben.blog.co.uk/My thoughts on me and why I have to keep myself locked up on this little site out of the way of everyone elseen-EUMokoFeed10http://theben.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/5b/8574ec1cffc70f24525db1cfca66e6_160x200.jpghttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2008/01/05/this_is_where_everyone_thinks_im_going_c~3533702/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2008-01-05:/2008/01/05/this_is_where_everyone_thinks_im_going_c~3533702/Sat, 05 Jan 2008 21:10:46 +0100 <p class="center">I’m afraid I’m going to become all serious like an old man; it’s the way it has to be kid!<br> I haven’t blogged for maybe a month, lets see. No, over a month; yet for some bizarre reason that is completely profound, yes profound I continued to get views, 300 in a month of absence.<br> I apologise but I had little thoughts to squander over the keyboard and in fact I have made little attempt at social networking with anyone I know. I just felt more up to isolation this holiday, not in any manner a depressed way; Isolation in an Arcadian fashion.<br> So I wish to change the emphasis to which my blog has been previous aimed at, as it had no direction and this perhaps lead to its downfall and demise over the last month, it was not as if I forgot, I just did not care nor appreciate it.<br> Last month I read the God Delusion (Richard Dawkins) I was admittedly already an atheist; it has however enabled me to back up my atheistic ideas, which is positive. So of course now it has built me up and my ideas, not in a fundamentalist way in the least, although my image of religion and its wrong has been perhaps over emphasised. I do still feel that it is something that is, not irrelevant to humans because it is human nature to believe but maybe religious ideas are a sign that some do not wish to evolve with the rest of us. If you like devolution of a huge number of people</p> <p><img src="http://www.wehaitians.com/god_delusion_2.jpg" alt="Dummy praying" title="Evolution?"></p> <p>because clearly religion can’t take people into the future (unless you include the revelations, which wouldn’t be a cheery thought to wake up to in a morning), how can it command peoples lives? A book written 2000 years ago does not bare the same relevance as it would all those years ago. We live in countries (Britain, America) that have a democracy – where everyone (supposedly) is equal, yet this was not present in the times of the bible (for arguments sake Rome etc but they are irrelevant as they believed in polytheistic gods e.g. Thor). The bible does not treat everyone as equals so already to our times this is a terrible failure of the book, which treats women, homosexuals and other races with repent and hatred.<br> How is that good?<br> But yes I thought I should say all this, despite it largely being the views of what I have read in my words, I felt the need to put it into writing and hopefully I will upset a little man sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of a room, with a cat, twizziling his beard.</p> <p><img src="http://friendlyatheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/heller.gif" alt="" title="Heller"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2008/01/05/this_is_where_everyone_thinks_im_going_c~3533702/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://theben.blog.co.uk/2008/01/05/this_is_where_everyone_thinks_im_going_c~3533702/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/24/can_you_blame_me~3345725/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-24:/2007/11/24/can_you_blame_me~3345725/Sat, 24 Nov 2007 15:43:19 +0100 <p>I hated the old layout... like a layout makes much difference<br> I can barley do anything with this account becase im not a pro account user. Im not particularly bothered because I have a picture at the top.<br> I made it, not very good but at least it brightens it up, its in honour of Ceasr what a great guy</p> <p>Hail the Tsar! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/24/can_you_blame_me~3345725/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>picpictureceasarredesigntsarhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/24/can_you_blame_me~3345725/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/21/im_really_sorry_that_my_blog_is_so_bad~3331315/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-21:/2007/11/21/im_really_sorry_that_my_blog_is_so_bad~3331315/Wed, 21 Nov 2007 17:09:57 +0100 <p>So I am going to try another aproach</p> <p>EVERYONE should login and look at in on a sunday<br> that would be a pretty intense Idea is we could get the whole world on the computer on sundays, dont you think. However I myself shall not be taking part in the proceedings... more important things to do<br> So have fun, there certianly wont be any posts made by me on that day but you can read all manner of stuff about me</p> <p><a href="http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=%22ben+fielden%22&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a">Search "Ben Fielden" in google</a></p> <p>HOW FUN, WHAT JOY<br> however having a look at myself on google today I noticed two major things:</p> <p>1) I am dissapearing, I lierally used to dominate "BEN FIELDEN" (imagine I said that in a booming American accent)<br> and<br> 2) There are no pictures of me in google images</p> <p>obviously I need to do something about me<br> Im not sure what<br> perhaps you should all talk about me in chatrooms</p> <p>"that Ben.. like... hes well annoying"</p> <p>its all good<br> XD </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/21/im_really_sorry_that_my_blog_is_so_bad~3331315/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bad-blogdont-taghttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/21/im_really_sorry_that_my_blog_is_so_bad~3331315/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/17/all_heed_my_word~3310733/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-17:/2007/11/17/all_heed_my_word~3310733/Sat, 17 Nov 2007 15:26:06 +0100 <p>Well yes I went to look around Cambridge University on thursday - it was one amazing day the place is "wow" yes its "like wow"<br> I do have quiet a number of photos that I wont bother you with simply becuase they dont show its true splendor in anyway but im sure you can find them on the internet if you are truely abosorbed by looking. Which you should be laddy!<br> Well as pompus as you think they maybe, I didnt find them so, also to put away to rumours that you cant have fun in a Uni like that, which everyone said. Thats ridiculous, being no drinker myself I dont care about the number of bars as long as some of them sell orange juice! But there are tons<br> And yeh hey its the flat country, which is something of a spectacle for a notherner like me, the biggest hill being nothing to me; used to the hills of Pendle. </p> <p>It was super duper, I would love to go there (or maybe Oxford which everyone says is better anyway) but im not going to be able to becuase you do actually have to have some intelligence (to make an understatement) which regretably I do not<br> So in my flailing aims to reach something of truley spectuaclar heights as Oxbridge I am going to work myslef to death hopefully</p> <p>So I can be happy for 3 years in Uni<br> well wouldnt that be lovely</p> <p>unless I overwork and collapse</p> <p>So ...<br> I am considering setting up a paypal donation scheme so you can donate money for the likely or unlikely event of me overworking myself and becoming a nonexistant being</p> <p>ALL HEED MY WORD </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/17/all_heed_my_word~3310733/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>cambridgebssfoxbridgeburnleyhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/17/all_heed_my_word~3310733/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/12/how_i_killed_my_driving_instructor~3286553/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-12:/2007/11/12/how_i_killed_my_driving_instructor~3286553/Mon, 12 Nov 2007 20:24:56 +0100 <p>I crashed and killed him<br> it was all very tragic, especially considering that I crashed into an oversized cow that had escaped from a medical lab<br> To worsen the situation It turned out that the cow (which I had caused to fly in several different directions) had a terrible disease known by the local people as "Poo"<br> (how mature I know)<br> Dont ask why<br> anyway so I killed of half the village (becuase you dont get cows in town... well not black and white ones anyway...<em>lol</em>)<br> I was held responisble and I have only just managed to get out of police holding<br> It was quite a bizare little thing that happened, I could say that I have been put off driving for life... but<br> I think i'll just get a new instructor now!</p> <p>TRUTH - I no longer have that driving instructor<br> FALSE - There was no cow involved </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/12/how_i_killed_my_driving_instructor~3286553/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>diseasecowdrivingbenburnleydriving-instructorben-fieldenhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/12/how_i_killed_my_driving_instructor~3286553/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/10/im_told_blogging_is_a_life_commintment~3274486/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-10:/2007/11/10/im_told_blogging_is_a_life_commintment~3274486/Sat, 10 Nov 2007 12:49:46 +0100 <p>Oh dear, Im not sure I'll have anything to say when it comes to my deathbed<br> What will happen when im expected to say something for my "final words" then what will I say<br> No doubt garbage</p> <p>To be really posotive, I dont think I'll live past 50. Its hard to imagine, I think i'll be run over by something large, which I guess is more manly than been killed by a bike!</p> <p>Just a lovely thought, like if I threw in to depress you all (becuase thats my secret intention) that the chance from dying from heart disease is 1 in 4. That shockingly high if you ask me...</p> <p>I did a fashion show on friday (the link to what I just said being it was for charity) it was hollywood Vs Bollywood<br> Chris Walker was one of those stunning models (he has a RRS feed to me, I think thats what one might call it)<br> It was lovely I get to be in the Lancashire Evening Telegraph (a news papaer) with quite a sexy pose<br> Should I actually buy that low quality paper I plan to scan it, with my broken scanner - so i'll have to rethink that one!<br> And show it off on here and myspace/facebook</p> <p>Oh you'll be jealous!</p> <p>Jealous! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/10/im_told_blogging_is_a_life_commintment~3274486/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>burnleyaimee-lawlessrsslifeben-fieldenbenlancashirechris-walkerdyinghollywoodlancashire-evening-telegraphbollywoodhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/10/im_told_blogging_is_a_life_commintment~3274486/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/07/wild_naughty_wednesday~3260425/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-07:/2007/11/07/wild_naughty_wednesday~3260425/Wed, 07 Nov 2007 17:48:53 +0100 <p>it was late night<br> no one was around so I decided just to sneak downstairs</p> <p>I had to get it!</p> <p>I didnt care if anyone saw me at it, what did it really matter it would feel so good, so amazing, unlike anything else that It just didnt matter</p> <p>I walked down the stairs, they creaked, the plams of my hands were sweaty from the build-up of want in me</p> <p>Now on the ground floor I dashed throught the house, I wasnt going to wait any longer than I needed to</p> <p>Dashing into the kitchen - yes the kitchen! This is where Id do it</p> <p>Ahhhh the temptation!</p> <p>A bright light shone in my face, cold air swept over my body</p> <p>Slowly, carefly<br> I lifted it out</p> <p>... I bit into the cheese</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/07/wild_naughty_wednesday~3260425/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>ben-fieldenbencheesenightstorieslifehttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/07/wild_naughty_wednesday~3260425/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/03/music_making_monster_machine~3239045/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-03:/2007/11/03/music_making_monster_machine~3239045/Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:52:22 +0100 <p><strong>benandbarnet@hotmamil.com</strong></p> <p>add me on msn, I barley go on so i'll be okay and safe from any weirdos for the large part <img src="/img/smilies/icon_idea.gif" alt=":idea:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/pokedex/2116511" title="pokedex"><img src="http://data3.blog.de/media/511/2116511_e234970e15_m.gif" alt="pokedex" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <p>Go Pokemon, so many people still love, as do I<br> The only problem is for the last two weeks I havent been going on my DS - hence not playing on Pokemon<br> For one I have been reading more, secondly my DS is becoming a nightmare to use, it never seems to work properly which gets me stressed when all I want to do is see my pokemon<br> Empoloeon!<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cool.gif" alt="B)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Now let me get to the point</p> <p>Music...</p> <p>I do want to try and relaunch myself musicaly (as in I actually want to make a decent song for once)<br> for anyone who doesnt know of my previous efforts the only decent one you can find is...<br> <a href="http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NMzgnx2AhA">This one here, kill the emos</a></p> <p>So if anyone has a good voice then let me have it, we can do a vocal box transplant, anything like that... its all good<br> the main themes im trying to create in my music is<br> FUNK, JUNK and my TRUNK<br> okay thats exadurated by im talking dance beats etc<br> etc</p> <p>oh and etc<br> :-) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/03/music_making_monster_machine~3239045/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>dspokemonpokedexmusicemailfieldenbenben-fieldenhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/03/music_making_monster_machine~3239045/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/02/statistical_analysis~3236566/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-02:/2007/11/02/statistical_analysis~3236566/Fri, 02 Nov 2007 20:54:27 +0100 <p>I feel that a little writing is always needed<br> Im not even doing too bad either</p> <p>I mean when you think about it, you write a blog you expect maybe... ooh 5 people will read it maybe - if im lucky</p> <p>just so you all know that the day of highest viewing was the 31st of November when 37 individulas looked at my blog (with 55 overall views between them)<br> so not only am I doing okay with 37 people, whoever the hell they maybe<br> some people actually look at it again like - I cant believe my eyes this is like commiting some kind of war crime</p> <p>I wish everyone would comment me <img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"><br> but they dont <img src="/img/smilies/grayuhoh.gif" alt="U-(" class="middle" border="0"><br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> please do</p> <p>My advertising campagin on myspace must do quiet well</p> <p>I havent told a story recently so here I go </p> <p><br> <img src="http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p65/benandbarnet/DSC00443.jpg" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"><br><br><br> <br> theres a picture I took at Cradle Of Filth - its is pretty in contrast to the show that was about to unfold....</p> <p>I was there dancing like a gay person to the next cradle of filth song, which one was it, god how am I supposed to know they were playing loads of old stuff that I didnt know.<br> I was when i stepped into the mosh pit that events unfolded, events that I have never spoken a word of untill now!!<br> Upon stepping into the mosh pit or death pit which looked outside very much quiet a violent little thing to be involved in I saw a man in a little outfit. I dont think we was gay else hed be dead by now in this place, no he was something very differnt - I didnt know until this moment when I found out something very new; very intresting. He went by the name of Pedrow, Pedrow Jailhouse; he was a wild cowboy, he got out his lasso and caught me by the neck, pulling me close I feared our lips might touch!<br> "Nooo" I screamed "Im not actually gay"<br> but he saved my life in that moment of panic and dread as from behind a massive raging bull had appeared from seemingly nowhere, charging at me becuase I was wearing red (the colour of Bens top at the event is under much debate) its was red and it charged at me. Suddenly the whole gig was in upheaval, the goths got angry and you know what happens when a goth gets angry. Want a few examples, the Tsunami, Hiroshmia<br> What happened was utter hell, instantly the whole concert hall dropped to the pits of hell, no one could belive what they were seeing<br> the devil rose from the flames, picked the bull out with his hand flaming burning several goths, turning them into ashes. Ashes.<br> The floor instantly began to rise with firghtening speed.<br> The gig contiuted, the cowboy was no where to be seen</p> <p>My life has never been the same...</p> <p>sorry again another poor story, I will have to reserect an old story I wrote.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/02/statistical_analysis~3236566/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bencommentben-fieldengigmanchester-academystatsgothsdevilredstorycradle-of-filthhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/02/statistical_analysis~3236566/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/01/the_aftermath~3231665/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-11-01:/2007/11/01/the_aftermath~3231665/Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:06:58 +0100 <p>The party in short was... crude<br> lol that would be the best way I can think to describe it in one word<br> Im sure Sarahs poor parents werent too happy at the discussions going on - which I took no participation in<br> Dont I sound fun <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cool.gif" alt="B)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Now just for Chris Walker - as he said I should put images on here is my first picture</p> <p>its my graphics for AS, its some work im doing<br> Its basically a movie poster for a horror movie (made-up) called<br> "Tears Of The Faithful" - its about post-modern vampires</p> <p><br> <img src="http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p65/benandbarnet/posterlowrescopy.jpg" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"><br><br><br> </p> <p>If you have any suggestions for poster ideas<br> or improvements<br> anything</p> <p>Im not actually filming the movie... so nothing that way related</p> <p>Tarra! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/01/the_aftermath~3231665/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tears-of-the-failthfulhalloweenchris-walkergraphicsben-fieldenbenhorrorhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/11/01/the_aftermath~3231665/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/31/in_this_place_of_halloween~3225228/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-31:/2007/10/31/in_this_place_of_halloween~3225228/Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:33:32 +0100 <p>Halloween party tonight</p> <p>Ive tried to prepair for halloween everyway I can</p> <p>Is that enough</p> <p>I dont have the best and biggest costume, no instead I plan to put on a top hat (sadly no pimp cane) and waltz around the place as a 'post-modern' vampire. Oh yes they exist!</p> <p>Then becuase life is lived on the computer these days, my myspace has to have a nice halloween theme of an near dead looking girl with "this is halloween" covered by M. Manson on it, ive actually quite taken to it. Maybe its just the time of the year but I now also find myself liking "Coma White" by him, learning it on guitar and wishing I could sound like funky horror in my musical attempts. I might actually give it a shot, maybe a cover no one gets to hear or just my own attempt at making a song to freak the world out.</p> <p>You should search vampire ... on google images ... with safe search ... off<br> Youll be suprised its incredibly corny!</p> <p>I thought recently google images, when you type in anything just think of a random work - one you wouldnt normaly use (to make it more random) and you just get images that mean nothing to you</p> <p>Ow! My finger hurts, I dont want repetative strain injury!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/31/in_this_place_of_halloween~3225228/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>trick-or-treatvampiresben-fieldenburnleyhalloweenbenhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/31/in_this_place_of_halloween~3225228/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/30/sponge_me~3219849/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-30:/2007/10/30/sponge_me~3219849/Tue, 30 Oct 2007 18:14:26 +0100 <p><strong>Hilarity in a sponge</strong>, that’s one way one might describe the goings on in my school (Burnley School 6th form) when we got a visit from <u>Aim Higher</u>. Yey, as if anybody in the group needed so much stuff to make them go to University, they tried (and failed) to shovel some more down us.<br> The highlight for me was the second part of the ‘road show’ that made me miss History, we had a absolutely <em>charming</em> woman who told us we had all been sponging off the country, schools and basically everything up until now, that’s right we hadn’t had any independent thought of our own <strong>ever</strong>. Her metaphor was one of true splendour, we, the students had been soaking up knowledge like a sponge, and then squeezing it out in exams. Which to me & I don’t know about you would imply she thought we now knew nothing, our brains where <strong>empty boxes</strong> that we were confined to – which would probably explain why she treated us like children.<br> <em>“You are all trapped by a box”</em><br> I’m sorry I don’t know the name of this fantastic woman who I wish was my birth mother but I can tell you…<br> · She dropped out of College because she <em>“couldn’t hack it”</em><br> · She later went back in after not getting employed, following the motto of “those who cant, teach” (not that I believe that – there are some splendid teachers, Hazel Best for one! English teachers are also great - apart from this one!)<br> · She also claimed that she knew 85% percent of everything there was to know about English literature! <strong> WOW</strong><br> Another rather rude remark she made was to say “So this is who it is here” when a few people were talking – I’m not sure but how can she make such a comment, a little rude I thought! Especially with such an emphasis on here, this was when we declared war on her… but I wont go into that, it just involved writing out someone who dropped out of college and humpty dumpy – very fun task.</p> <p>Just to summarise, in case you feel there is dire need for it we will review the situation.<br> Today a dropout told us that we had sponged all our lives, she insulted us, treating us like children with her patronising tone, telling us it was going to stop, she would help us. We didn’t know <strong>anything</strong>; she knew almost everything, save for that 15% of English literature – I guess that its locked in a vault somewhere or she’d know about it.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/30/sponge_me~3219849/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>schoolfieldenbenjoylifeaim-higheruniversityaimee-lawlessburnley-school-6th-formhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/30/sponge_me~3219849/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/28/advent_calander_time~3209683/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-28:/2007/10/28/advent_calander_time~3209683/Sun, 28 Oct 2007 20:40:37 +0100 <p>You wonder why Christmas starts so early?<br> Becase it gets sold out<br> Which is why when I went to Tescos I made sure I secured my christmas happiness by purchasing a High School Musical Advent Calender<br> Im pretty sure that the chocolate will taste like coal (seasonal reference) but do I care, I cant wait to open it, will there be musical quotes, picutres... who knows! Its still wrapped in the waste of plastic wrapping film so I dont know; its in the cupboard near me...<br> Tempting</p> <p>Halloween is also upon us, which is why I released <strong>MONSTER MASH</strong> cover, its pretty poor becuase I did it in a rush, I also covered it last year its better though because its in-time. I also tried to make it pop-punk; although this failed on the large part it is better than last years!<br> So listen to it if you wish <a href="http://www.myspace.com/benfielden"><br> :-)<br> alls well that ends well<br> sorry for my music page, its been down for a while becuase I havent been activly writing and producing music, since Social Suicide - which was ironicaly like a Suicide attempt for my music!<br> Irony swings in roundabouts<br> Talking of roundabouts and a chance to throw in my thus far driving sucess, I now competent at mini-roundabouts, I have also driven in the dark - although aparently im not meant to be doing<br> Well I did nearly crash into some railings, I guess whats to be expected when your driving a monster car like I am, huge engine!<br> Revs like the roar of a lion!<br> Woah!<br> My Pegeot 107!<br> :-)<br> I love it</p> <p>Go listen to Monster Mash<br> Seasons festivity! My treat to you... mmm<br> </a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/28/advent_calander_time~3209683/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>musichalloweenmonster-mashbenben-fieldenlifechrsitmasburnleyhigh-school-musicalhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/28/advent_calander_time~3209683/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/26/the_grandmother_and_her_banana_part_2_fi~3200302/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-26:/2007/10/26/the_grandmother_and_her_banana_part_2_fi~3200302/Fri, 26 Oct 2007 19:47:50 +0200 <p><em>Please feel free to subscribe to me! This is the continuation of the The Grandmother... found 2 days ago (the interlude is irrelevent)<br> Im sorry its such a bizzare story, im sure you'll agree if you can face reading to the end.<br> Im sorry, it was <u>meant</u> to be funny lol, I never got to that part though... enjoy</p> <p><strong>The Grandmother and her Banana</strong><br> A Banana<br> Why would someone keep a banana? Bananas had been outlawed ever since the crazy guy had become president of Ohio, what was his name again, crazy Fred Ferguson he’d got a PHD in something and suddenly he thought he could run the state!<br> The old woman never warmed to F. Ferguson, she thought he was a total slime ball, he had his fans but this is irrelevant to the point.<br> Bananas were outlawed, as Trev had one in his car he could face in prison sentence of up to 3 months<br> “Crazy Mo Fo” said the old woman under her breath<br> She grabbed the banana, positioning it between her legs and flew off back to her house, during mid-flight she hit a mocking bird<br> “Hello” croaked the mocking bird<br> The old woman had no time to have a chat with the mocking bird, have a chat smoking cigars with it like she used to in her youth; she pulled the banana hard and sent it flying at the mocking bird, knocking it straight out of the sky. Catching the banana she went on into the house, to find Trev wailing in absolute pain on her floor whilst at the same time trying to roll out some dough with a rolling pin.<br> “What are you doing with the rolling pin”<br> “Im making a cake”<br> “Why” asked the old woman, worrying for his sanity<br> “I thought it would keep me warm, you left the door open. You know what the weathers like”<br> “I brought you the banana!” shouted the Old woman “What now, what happens, what do I do, what”<br> Trev got the banana, peeled back the skin and began to eating it, chomping away the Old Woman could see that he was enjoying it.<br> “im addicted!” the man said “Im sorry if you find me a tramp for it”<br> “its fine” dismissed the old woman<br> “Listen im dying and I wanted a quick fix before I left, so im sorry for it”<br> “your dying!” the old woman panicked “was it me”<br> “No, no, no, no, I knew I was dying, that’s why I came to see you miss, because I need to tell you something” he began to shake, the words where hard to get out “I need to tell you, I… I”<br> The old woman bent down to try and help Trev but he was dying, she knew it and he did now<br> “33” coughed Trev, his Irish accent blaring out “33, years ago, you knew… a woman, a woman, called”<br> “Shannon” blurted the old woman<br> Trev nodded weakly “she… she is my father… you…. Cough”<br> “Yes” promoted the old woman</p> <p>“You are my mother” </p> <p>“Shannon” the old woman was shocked “how can it be, I cant… oh my god”<br> “I … have a child now, that makes you a grandmother” he gave her a tiny smile, it was all he can manage<br> The old woman just couldn’t believe it, she … how couldn’t she have noticed that he was a man, it must have been the bananas. The bananas shouted the old woman<br> “The bananas, this is why I you are here today” she said accusingly<br> “Can I have one” asked Trev lighting<br> “You can have them all… in fact” the old woman walked out of the room into her garden where she was growing stash of bananas<br> “forget them” the old woman flicked her lighter<br> “Today you were here for my bananas, nothing but greed. Then 33 years ago because I was blinded by the intoxication of these bananas I couldn’t see Shannon was a man”<br> The old woman picked up a bottle of petroleum and doused the plants in it quickly<br> Trev began the scream, he pleaded he needed the bananas, he couldn’t cope without them, he was weak. She dragged him into the back with all the bananas… walked out and threw in the lighter.<br> The house quickly caught fire, timbers falling, fire roaring with fierce intensity. The old woman just sat there, in her rocking chair… the flames began to stroke her legs<br> </em> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/26/the_grandmother_and_her_banana_part_2_fi~3200302/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>benstoriesbananafieldenburnleygranmotherlifeold-ladyhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/26/the_grandmother_and_her_banana_part_2_fi~3200302/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/25/interlude_the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3194365/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-25:/2007/10/25/interlude_the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3194365/Thu, 25 Oct 2007 18:00:50 +0200 <p>Hello, I just emailed a man to get horse pictures! Pictures of horses I hear you say, yes I repeat pictures of horses!<br> But doesnt that make life feel worthwhile hey!</p> <p>I went to see Bowling For Soup last night, how unepic in a sense, The Bloodhoud Gang were so appauling, one of there guitarits (nice body -mm no-) looked like Chicho (CHICHO TIME)the other Patrick Stump<br> well donnnt get more exciting than that<br> But you dont want to know about my life do you<br> That would be sad an appauling<br> maybe the random facts of me getting pictures of horses YEY<br> but not my life BOO</p> <p>-easy come easy go-</p> <p>If anyone </p> <p><strong>IF ANYONE</strong><br> can help me to name a movie with this plot line<br> a group of alien killer horses rampage through a village, trapping the reaming residents in a school. etc etc<br> Zombie horses and all the rest!</p> <p>If anyone can come up with a name, for the few who read this<br> CAN YOU??</p> <p>Eg Midnight Stable, or Stallion Severence!</p> <p>Else I will have to use them, which isnt so good<br> we could do better and I could get an A in graphics at AS<br> wouldnt that please you all, oh I think so so so so</p> <p>:-)</p> <p>Anyway time flys as you tip type away</p> <p>Till tomorrow when my story my continue in all its epic proportions</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/25/interlude_the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3194365/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>graphicsbowling-for-soupbenbananafieldenhorseshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/25/interlude_the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3194365/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/24/the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3187906/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-24:/2007/10/24/the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3187906/Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:38:18 +0200 <p><em>To try and make this blog just a bit more readable, I have decided that to celebrate its launch I am going to write a little story for it. It is my usual type of story, the unplanned, misplaced kind.</em></p> <p><strong>The Grandmother and her Banana</strong><br> Sunken into the high mountains of Ohio, an old woman sat in her favourite rocking chair. Backwards and forwards she swung all day, singing songs of new, songs of old and songs of general hilarity.<br> For the large part this old woman lived all by herself, living in the mountains she rarely got a visitor to hear of. So of course predictably, this day she did get a caller.<br> Knock, Knock<br> The old woman, in her rocking chair tried to get up out of her chair but not having been out of it since the late 80's found it an impossible task, she shouted towards the door<br> "One minute please!"<br> She was unsure what to do, knowing that getting out was now impossible she viciously started rocking forwards, forwards. The chair gained a little momentum, she began to slowly go forwards, all the time the old floorboards were groaning and squeaking.<br> "Sorry am I interrupting something?" cried the caller<br> "No -pant- no; I'll be there in a minute" replied the woman<br> Exactly one minute later her chair hit the door, she swung on the handle and having great upper hand strength she managed to turn the handle, opening the door and throwing herself backwards<br> "Hello" greeted the caller; he was a short fat man with a large woolly hat "I was wondering if you'd like to talk to me? I'm a little lonely you see? Said the man, his accent clearly Irish<br> "Come in, come in" said the old woman "and what, may I ask is your name?"<br> "Trev" he replied<br> The man sat by the fire, as the woman slowly rocked herself back into her previous position. Trev stayed all night, he and the old woman talked and talked; oh how they laughed!<br> Talking about horses, pig and sheep! Oh how they hooted!<br> Discussing shelves, wood and flashbulbs! Trev nearly wet himself</p> <p>"Thank you" chuckled Trev ?but I fear I have been in your company far to long, I must leave now?<br> They made their way towards the door and as they approached it, Trev winched and groaned falling to the floor he began to let out a screeching sound. The old woman quickly scuffled and rocked towards him<br> "What's wrong?" inquired the old woman urgently<br> "I'm dying, I must ask two things of you, if you wish me to live"<br> "What, what?"<br> "Go to my car, I didn't walk her, I lied I'm too lazy for that, but go there and get me the object in the boot and come back to me, please go"<br> The old woman summoned all her strength, inhaling and exhaling. Then all of a sudden the room began to shake, or was it the old woman.<br> Trev looked and confused as did the old woman, then abruptly the old woman launched out of her rocking chair and began to levitate mid air.<br> "Myyyyyyyyyyyy" she cackled<br> Wanting to waste no time she flew to the door, shattering it into a 1000 pieces and flying into the cold mountain air of Ohio.<br> She instantly spotted Trevs truck, but being that she was going to fast she flew past it and hit a tree with a loud 'thud'. A small animal hit her head with a shriek and bounced on the ground and rolled down the steep mountain edge.<br> I didn't ever notice that mountain edge, thought the old woman. Little did she know that since the late 80's a project had begun to extract all the minerals from the mountain leaving only her house at the top of the hill intact, alone and isolated.<br> She landed on the ground and ran to Trevs car, smashing the back window to the theme of A Team, ripping open the door her eyes lay on one object</p> <p>A Banana.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/24/the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3187906/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>old-ladyburnleybananagranmotherlifebenfieldenstorieshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/24/the_grandmother_and_her_banana~3187906/#commentshttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/22/welcome_fellow_enthusiasts~3179565/tag:theben.blog.co.uk,2007-10-22:/2007/10/22/welcome_fellow_enthusiasts~3179565/Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:15:50 +0200 <p>Hello my name is Ben Fielden, wether I use this blogging space will depend on my memory that I signed up. I hope I manage to becuause aparently it will keep my 'stories' and thoughts away from the majority of people I know on myspace and facebook - so they're all that bit more safe</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>A few words I would like to say, so that anyone without a great deal of knowledge about my person, may become a little wiser. I am a musican (of sorts) I hope to make my own funky music, I have but not very well. Im also in a band <em>jesus and the dinosaurs</em><br> I wish I could make movies, but I cant becuase I simply dont have the time. Sadly becuase its one of the things that i'd love to but cant do</p> <p>Ey Ey Ey<br> Art is yet another thing I fail at, its beyond me but with my little helpers I will learn to draw a old mans face (age = gravity = face falls downwards like a water fall)<br> I like/love: Pokemon, Placebo, Kiefer Sutherland and Aimee lawless my lovely girlfriend<br> so guys back off, shes more of a man than you are!</p> <p>Isnt life a hoot when it comes down to looking at things like other people, I bet if you watch other people you'll get two things out of it<br> 1) a real sense of amusement<br> 2) a black eye - especialy with the 'ruff' type we get in Burnley</p> <p>How we love Burnley</p> <p>Urm, its abit late, 1300 words and i'll explode... oh dear!</p> <p>Hopefully I can be less drab in future but intros arent always great fun unless I wished to captivate you, addict you and reel you in!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/22/welcome_fellow_enthusiasts~3179565/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>musicbenburnleylovelifefieldenhttp://theben.blog.co.uk/2007/10/22/welcome_fellow_enthusiasts~3179565/#comments